Waiting

This week I had a CAT Scan and a Bone Scan; the final tests to determine the stage of my cancer. These tests will reveal if the cancer has spread to other areas of my body.

I have purposefully not asked about my prognosis. I know that my cancer is aggressive; HER-2 is involved and the pathology report indicated a grade 3 cancer cell (looks least like a normal cell). I have not asked about my prognosis because I want to remain positive and quite honestly at the time I met with my oncologist I did not want to hear more "bad news".

It takes me a couple of days to as my dad says, "get my head around the bad news" and then I've been able to get back to my peaceful spot.

I won't know the results until sometime next week (5/4 update: I may not find out until May 8th - my oncologist is on vacation). Waiting is hard and it is difficult to remain entirely in my peaceful spot. It is hard on my family too. Hearing the results of these tests cannot help but give us an indication of my prognosis.

And so, I find that this week I am once again more easily moved to tears. My friend Charley called this morning. He was the first person I spoke with today and therefore the one with whom I had my "morning tears". Thank you Charley for sharing this time with me. "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24

I am reminded today of a verse that I found last week on the day I was given the results of my HER-2 test, Psalms 109:21-22 "Out of the goodness of your love, O Lord, deliver me. For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me."

Ok, it's all out now and I feel better. A good cry can be very cleansing. And as they say, the first step to overcoming your fear is to admit it (at least I think that is what "they" say - sounds good regardless).

Thank you for sharing this with me. I want you to leave with good rather than depressing thoughts so here goes, "A joyful heart is good medicine (literally - causes good healing), but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22

So for the rest of the day I will remember my blessings and therefore have a joyful heart. And well, when I think of everyone who is praying for me; has sent cards and/or flowers; brought food; and e-mailed and/or phoned me - well that will take up most of the day so I cannot possibly be anything else but joyful for the rest of today! May your day be filled with as many blessings as mine is.

Emeril's Pork Tenderloin

I love watching the FoodNetwork, I call it my "happy channel". Last week I tried one of Emeril's recipes; not only was it easy but also delicious.

Pork Tenderloin

1 (1 1/2 to 2-pound) pork tenderloin

Marinade:
1/4 cup soy sauce
2 tablespoons dry red wine
1 tablespoon honey
1 tablespoon brown sugar
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon grated ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 green onions (green parts only), chopped

Combine marinade ingredients in a measuring cup and whisk to combine. Pour over pork tenderloin in a plastic bag. Marinate overnight. (Note from Jan: I forgot to do this the night before and ended up not marinating the tenderloin for more than one hour. It still tasted great and had good reviews from my critics.)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Bake for 45 minutes or until meat is 145 degrees F when measured with an instant-read thermometer. Allow meat to rest about 10 minutes before cutting into 2-inch serving pieces. Drizzle a small amount of the meat juices from cooking over each piece of meat.

Not too soon and not too late...

This morning I found another very comforting verse, Isiah 49: 15b - 16:

15b: "..even these may forget, but I will not forget you.

16 : Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before Me."

This made me think of Randy, my husband, because of a back injury several years ago he must take pain medication. When he is going to be away from the house he records the time of his last medication on his hand and places the amount he may need in his pocket.

With the time recorded on his hand it is ever in front of him so that he will not take the next dose too soon or too late.

It is so comforting to know that we are written on the palm of His hand - ever before Him.

Comfort

I have found many scriptures that have provided comfort to me. This is my favorite verse:

Tremble, and do not sin;
Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still.
Offer the sacrifices of righteousness,
And trust in the Lord.

Psalms 4:4

Madison, Jackson, Connor and Me

This is shortly after Connor was born in January 2006. I remember seeing this picture and thinking, "I don't look well.". Little did I know that I would shortly find out I had cancer.