Cycle # 3 Days 3 - 7

Today is the seventh day of the third infusion and also the first day of the third isolation period. I have mixed feelings about this isolation probably because I am feeling good today. A few days ago I was not feeling quite as well so I missed out on some of my usual time of being out and about and seeing people.

I am sad that on the 4th of July I will be on isolation day number thirteen – two days shy of my cells being at their lowest point. I am trying to convince Randy that if we are with family who are not sick it will be ok. Probably it is best is for me to wait and see how I am feeling and we can make a decision as we get closer to the 4th.

My taste has become more salty and that’s a good thing because many others have a metallic taste instead. I had not realized how much it had changed until Saturday evening when Randy mentioned to me that something I had made was very, very sweet. It then occurred to me that was why the banana bread I had made that morning did not taste as good to me and why the lemon-aide I made earlier that afternoon did not taste as good either. Last night we ended up throwing away what I had made Saturday night – no matter how much other seasonings Randy added to balance the sweetness he could not eat it and I never could get the “real” flavor of the dish so I was not interested in eating it. Guess I am going to temporarily relinquish my role as taste taster and stick with following the recipe exactly!

So, over the last few days when I find a food that tastes as it should, it is so delicious! On Sunday it was the catsup I ate with hash browns. During lunch I resisted the urge more than once to tell everyone how good the catsup was. I would not be surprised if my lunch companions reported that they noticed I ate more catsup than hash browns – I could have eaten it by the spoonful. No longer will I wrinkle my nose as those who liberally apply catsup to everything – the stuff is really good!

On Monday it was nectarines. I just knew that if I could find a ripe nectarine on our tree it would be so good. It was. On Tuesday my quest was for a ripe tomato – the first of the season. Randy cut out the remaining green spots, sliced it thin, and made me a tomato sandwich. Whether it truly tasted as it should or whether I have great imagination abilities – that first slightly green, slightly under ripe tomato tasted great. I am hopeful that I can continue to taste the nectarines and tomatoes my husband has so carefully tended in the garden. Summer is all about the homegrown produce!

That’s the fun stuff. The not so fun stuff is that on Sunday I felt like a giant block of salt. I was very aware of how salty everything was to me and it was hot – I was not at my best on Sunday. I guess I used my arm a little too much on Saturday; the lymphatic fluid built up more than usual and it did not reduce much overnight as it usually does. So on Sunday my arm was pushing it at not being ok and that added to my discomfort. It is ironic that Sunday morning’s lesson was on complaining – boy was I on the edge even after hearing that great lesson. And on Monday it was my stomach – a build up effect of chemo or the result of my search to find something that tasted normal I do not know. It is a good thing to be able to look back on these past few days and chuckle at myself. Everything is just about back to “normal” today and I feel like a smaller block of salt right now so it’s a good day.

It’s the tough stuff that can make us really appreciate the good stuff and in fact I believe that the tough stuff can help us to see that some stuff really can be moved into the good stuff category. “Stuff”, hmm well let me roll along with this “stuff” theme. Life is about “stuff” and what we chose to do with the “stuff”. There will always be “good stuff” just as there will always be “bad stuff”. The key, in my opinion, is to not look at the balance of good stuff vs. bad stuff that others receive and have compared with what I do or do not have, but rather to stay focused on what we as individuals are going to do with our “stuff”. Pollyana, Dorothy, my father, Paul and now here is another individual for you to think about – Job.

In the early days of my illness – the time of little information and therefore great crisis for my family and I - Job came to my mind. He was an individual that had it all and then lost it all – including the support of his wife and friends. I wrote in my journal the following from Job 2:10 to help me keep focused, “Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity? In all this Job did not sin with his lips.” Instead, Job dealt with his “stuff” even though the advice, support, and encouragement from his wife and friends was poor at best.

Aren't we fortunate to have the Bible, we have so many how-to and how-not-to examples to help us deal with the stuff in our lives? Makes sense to me, the Creator wrote the "How-To Manual".

Ok, gotta go April is on her way over with our grand dogs. Jack is the ring bearer in a wedding on Friday in Santa Barbara so the big kids and the little kids are leaving today to have a few days at the beach. Randy and I watch the grand dogs when they are out of town. On my next posting I will tell you about my early morning solo adventures of feeding four dogs – their two and our two – separately before I even have my first cup of coffee. Yep, Wonder Woman I am or at the very least a woman with a good sense of humor!

Cycle #3 Day 2

I am not even going to ask for your forgiveness of my shameless bragging - it's one of my "Grandma Rights" to share these three adorable grandchildren with you!

I woke up this morning and shared my cup of coffee at dawn welcoming the new day with the birds and then spent time reading some of my favorite scriptures and thanking God for his many blessings. What a perfect way to start the day.

I feel great today and it is wonderful to feel so good again. I know the fatigue will be coming back so I will make the most of the next few days - and when it arrives I will make the most of the quiet time.

That is a choice we must each make every single day - to make the most of the day no matter what kind of a day it is.

I am reminded this morning of Walt and Cleva Link and how they taught me about being happy over the many years my family and I were privileged to know them - they both have passed away now. When we moved to Bakersfield and met Walt and Cleva they were elderly and both disabled. Each of them had their challenges but perhaps Walt's challenges were greater because he was almost blind, he could not wear dentures, he had Parkinson's disease, and he could no longer drive. He went from a young man who took care of his family to a man who was very dependent and needed much care.

Walt however did not feel sorry for himself. He many times would tell us that he knew there were others who had less than he did and that feeling sorry for himself would not make his condition any better.

I agree with Walt and am grateful that I knew him and Cleva and that they shared their thoughts with me. Friends are a great blessing from God.

I have recently been in contact with a friend that I have not seen or spoken with in years - Margaret. She and I knew each other years ago in Fresno. Margaret found out about my cancer through another friend, Mike, and she contacted me. Shortly after we began corresponding Margaret found out that she has breast cancer. Her operation is scheduled for June 30th; please pray for her and her family.

I hope that as Walt and Cleva helped to prepare me for this tough time, I can also help Margaret and any of you that may be going through tough times. Friends do that for one another - we share our lives and the lessons we have learned with the hope that someone will profit.

Never doubt that we are sharing our lives every day, all day.

Matthew 5:13-16

vs. 16 "Let your light shine before others in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven."

My prayer is that this journey I am on will not only increase my faith but will lead to others increasing theirs. As each of you has been here for me - I am here for you.

Day 1 of Cycle 3

The infusion went well and I experienced minimal side effects.

I decided to go to bed early to hopefully head off my usual evening of throwing up. It worked, I did not throw up last night and I had a good night's sleep. Instead I threw up about one-half hour after I got up this morning. Oh well, at least it was only once.

I've spent most of the day napping and resting on the couch. Randy is in charge of dinner tonight and all I must do today is rest. It is good to be taken of.

All is well and I hope it is with you also.

I Hear You

So many of you have written to say how relieved you were that I finally posted an update; even my brother spoke with me about it tonight. I am sorry that I had you wondering and worried. I promise that I will not go so long in the future without posting something even if it is only, "I am very tired but ok.".

Tonight at about 8ish I suddenly realized that I felt like myself again. I feel so good I'm almost giggly and I could do a "Yahoo" dance. Just in time for tomorrow's knock-out punch - I'm ready for it now!

Much love to all of you and gratitude for your care and concern for me.

Chemo #2 and Days 3 - 19

When I was younger and my older brother Dennis would leave to return to his home after a weekend visit his parting words would be, "No news is good news." I hated those words because it usually meant that we would not hear from him for a while.

Because I have not updated my blog in two weeks, in essence I have said those same words to you. I am sorry for leaving you wondering how I was and for any worry that I caused.

The last few days before the isolation began were filled with errands, shopping, and seeing people. I felt good and they were good days.

And then days seven through fifteen came along. I did not feel bad but I did feel more tired than usual. Most of those days required the first of several rests and/or naps throughout the day as early as 9:30 in the morning.

My younger brother Holland came to visit for a few days and of course April and the grandkids were over each of those days. Bret (my son-in-law), and Daniel (Holland’s son who is living with Randy and I) joined us on their days off and my in-laws, Maxine and Gene, joined us for lunch and an afternoon visit one day. The weather was perfect and we enjoyed many hours on the patio visiting, watching Madison and Jackson play in the backyard, and enjoying Connor’s sweet smiles and laughs. I broke the isolation rules by having visitors but no one was sick and it was for a very good reason – family.

Food is very important in my family and cooking is a way of showing and sharing love; we had some great meals during my brother’s visit and everyone got into the act. We surprised Randy with an early Father’s Day gift of a stainless steel barbeque – that night we had kabobs. The next night April and I cooked a three-course Basque meal. On the final day of my brother’s visit he bought an electric vegetable steamer and that night he filled the largest container to the brim with vegetables and made a delicious cheese sauce to go along. April and I made another one of Emeril’s pork loin recipes; this one made a delicious mushroom gravy which we served over the roast and garlic mashed potatoes. It is hard to say which meal, or for that matter which leftovers were the best!

Eating healthy is important to helping my white and red blood cells increase after the knock-out punch delivered by A + C. The counts must be high enough or the next infusion is postponed. I can tell that it is working because my energy has been increasing over the past couple of days and the need for frequent naps or rests are decreasing. Tomorrow I will go to the lab for the blood draw and on Wednesday I will receive infusion #3 - the cycle starts all over again. Before I know it July 12th will be here – the date of my final A + C infusion and the half-way point of the eight infusions!

In the meantime, I focus on appreciating each day. What a lifestyle change - today my deadlines are eating something nutritious every two hours and the only multi-tasking I probably will do is talking with April on the phone or with Randy while I am cooking. I can’t complain – well truthfully, I could create a list of complaints and fears but anytime I feel close to complaining or being afraid I focus on what is good in my life. Counting my blessings continues to be the most used and effective tool in my toolbox.

I am well prepared to handle Cycle #3 and I will be in touch. Thank you to each of you for your continued prayers, cards, e-mails, and communication through this blog. Any word or sentence that I can come up with to describe how much your continued support means to me falls short. Telling you thank you sounds too simple in comparison with what I truly feel, but it is the best I can do for now so thank you many times over.

Chemo #2 and Days 1 - 3

Chemo #2 has been easier. Even though I did have a headache and eye swelling until the end of the following day (day one), it was far less intense than I experienced with Chemo #1. The best news of all is that I only threw up once; the new anti nausea medications work great! I will still take the one required medication for a couple of more days, but have almost eliminated the additional medications. Today I will see how it goes without the additional meds. I do tire easily and must take at least one morning and afternoon nap; but I think the fatigue is less this time also.

My appetite is increasing again; we'll see if I have any unusual food cravings this time around. I have found that I can taste grape soda and I look forward to that occasional treat. Yesterday April and I went for a late lunch of soup and salad at Olive Garden. We ordered Alfredo Sauce to dip our bread sticks in; I am sad that Alfredo Sauce is now added to my list of food that does not taste right. Lucky April had it all to her self, however the Tiramisu tasted great so she had to share that with me!

You will never believe what I did on Thursday - I went out to get the mail without a hat! I did not realize it until I had come back into the house. It has not taken me long to get use to the idea that my hair is gone; hmmm maybe I am not so vain after all. Thank you for your phone calls, cards, posting comments and/or sending e-mails - you helped me to overcome some of my discomfort. One of the irritating side effects of not having hair is that my reading glasses will not stay pushed up on my head and I keep finding them on the floor! ha

While I was receiving the infusion an oncology nurse brought a new patient over to meet me. She would soon be starting chemo and I was asked to talk with her about my experience because I was a relatively new chemo patient. Well I felt like an "old-pro" and my peer-counseling skills kicked in right away as I looked at the fear in her eyes and held her hand while talking with her. I know I looked and was just as scared on my first office visit. I hope I eased some of her fears most importantly, I hope that her experience will be as easy as mine has been and that she has a wonderful support system like I do.

You: my family, my friends - each of you is dear loved ones; you have helped me tremendously and I count each of you as a blessing from God.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.

Thank you for: "lifting me up”, keeping me warm”, and helping me to not be "overpowered".

May God bless each of you as richly as he has blessed me today.