Cycle 7: Days 8 - 15

I have been feeling good for so many days it is hard to remember exactly on what day I had that "Yahoo!" feeling. It was either on the afternoon of the 7th or 8th day that I realized how much of my energy had returned. I know, I know ... (visualize here a BIG smile on my face) - that is the earliest ever!!

We had planned my brother's visit in case I needed to be taken care of while Randy was out of town on his hunting trip. Instead we got to enjoy each other's company and lots of good food - it was a perfect week. It did however turn out that I needed his help - to fix the washing machine! Here's a little tip...a rug with rubber backing that is peeling should not be put in the washing machine!

I was never a fan of bread pudding until our first cruise and I had Holland America's Bread Pudding with Vanilla Sauce. Recently I located Holland America's recipe and I tried it out while Holland was here. We both agreed that it was perfect! I have posted the recipe on my blog With Love, From Jan if you are interested in trying it out yourself.

Next Wednesday is the big one - my final Taxol infusion. Some people have asked me if I am going to do something to celebrate. I have some mixed feelings - while I am very, very happy to be done with Adriamycin, Cytoxin, and now Taxol I will continue to receive Herceptin every three weeks until August 2007. So, I will be done with the chemotherapy drugs that have made me feel so sick but the reality is that I will continue to receive chemotherapy every three weeks.

Continuing with Herceptin for so many months will be a constant reminder that I have had an aggressive cancer and I am still fighting to beat it. I do very much wish that cycle eight would be the last infusion. I have however determined to not allow this to become a negative for me but rather to use it as a positive. So, instead of feeling sorry for myself I am going to be grateful for the reminder I will have every three weeks of my many blessings. Considering how easy it is sometimes for us to forget the lessons we have learned I am one very blessed person to have this reminder!

That's some of my thoughts tonight. Oh yes, much to the delight of everyone who loves Randy's deer jerky he did get a deer on his trip.

Thank you for checking in on me and don't forget to count your many blessings today.

Here is a picture of Holland and I at Starbucks with Madison, Jackson and Connor before Madison's soccer game.

Cycle 7: Days 1 - 7

By this time next week cycle seven will merely be a memory and I will be just one cycle away from completing this stage of the journey.

Last Wednesday Dr. Risbud informed me that not only were my white and red blood cells high enough for the infusion but that in fact they had climbed to “normal”. Additionally Dr. Risbud said that depending upon how I am feeling I can end isolation earlier for cycles seven and eight – more good news for me.

The overall flu like feeling was less with this cycle although the leg aches started earlier and were more intense however, like childbirth the memory of the toughest day has begun to fade. My mouth seems to be more irritated this time; I am likely to be contributing to this by continuing to eat food with a tomato base. All things considered, I will take Taxol and Herceptin over an infusion of Adriamycin and Cytoxin any day.

My oldest grandson Jackson has kept close track on the state of my hair. He regularly asks to feel my head and gives me a status report which usually has been, “still not growing”. This Monday after completing his examination of my head he said, “I’m proud of you grandma your hair is growing”. The hair on the top of my head is the longest and now feels soft and fuzzy. As for color, well the first thought that comes to my mind is wow I have a lot of gray and the second thought is ugh, that’s a mousy looking brown!

Randy is on his annual hunting trip in Northern California; he was able to go with peace of mind because my brother is here with me this week. I hope he and his hunting buddy Stan each get a deer this week and anyone who loves Randy’s deer jerky also hopes he gets one.

Here at home it’s all about food this week; I had banana nut bread fresh from the oven yesterday when my brother arrived. If you have read my brother’s comment about our mother’s banana nut bread on the With Love, From Jan blog you will know how fond he is of it. Last night we went to April and Bret’s for enchiladas and today our childhood favorite Me-n-Ed’s pizza is for lunch. I have located Holland America’s bread pudding and I am going to give it a try this afternoon; hopefully it will turn out just as good. Tonight it is cedar planked pork loin; tomorrow is beef brisket slow cooked for hours on the barbeque, and on, and on.

That’s it for now, I will write again in a few days – in between cooking and eating! Thanks for checking in on me today and may your week be filled with as much love and good food as ours is going to be.

Ecclesiastes 5:18 Here is what I have seen to be good and fitting: to eat, to drink and enjoy oneself in all one’s labor in which he toils under the sun during the few years of his life which God has given him; for this is his reward.

Cycle # 7 : Bring It On!

After eight days of feeling good I am ready for tomorrow - infusion #7. I will get this one over with and then I will have only one more!

I have taken my first dose of steriods and am having the usual hot flashes. At 11:00 pm I will take the final dose of steriods and we will leave the air conditioner set a little lower to help me with the hot flashes I will have throughout the night.

I have my list made out of what I do to stay strong and positive - just in case I forget again and my jar of marbles is in a more prominent place as another reminder. I have not made the sign - but it is on the list in case I need to do that also.

I have added a photo to my profile. The photographer was Karla at Jadwin Photography and the photo was taken for the Breast Cancer Awareness Month publication in The Bakersfield Californian later this month. When I saw the proof I realized that I did want a copy as a keepsake of this journey I am on. The blog does not publish the picture in a size that allows for a good focus unless you click on the picture and then select View Full Size on the profile page.

Jadwin Photography provided the photos for the publication at no charge to participants and I think Karla did a great job. So, if you are in Bakersfield and looking for a good photographer I recommend Jadwin Photography.

I may not write a post again until some time next week after the side effects are over. Until then here is something for you to think about from Cooper Edens If You're Afraid of the Dark, Remember the Night Rainbow:

If the bus doesn't come ... catch a fast cloud.

Good Advice

Good advice is all around us. Here is something sent to me by my friend Margaret who lives in Fresno and I think it is worth sharing.

If you have not read the post prior to this one, Cycle 6: Days 9 - 15 / The Twelve Days of Cycle 6 my recommendation is that you read it first and then you will understand where my head is right now and why I think the following is good to share:

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?” Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, “The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes". He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on".

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!”And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

* Never buy a car you can't push.

*Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well!! Just get up and dance!

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Simple illustrations can help us to learn and understand more about complicated issues - Jan

Cycle 6: Days 9 - 15 / The Twelve Days of Cycle Six

On Tuesday morning, the 13th day of this cycle, I woke with that “Yahoo!” feeling. My energy was back and I have felt very good every day since.

With this Taxol cycle I had one good day following the infusion followed by several days of feeling like I had the flu and then immediately the fatigue began. For twelve days straight I did not have my energy and I was not prepared for this. I wrote on day eight that I was back to my normal self again. As it turns out I really was not, I only momentarily felt like myself and for the next several days I repeatedly would feel like I was ok only to realize that I really was not. Cycle 6 was not the most physically challenging however, mentally it may turn out to be my most challenging cycle.

A few months ago my friend Kelly, who daily faces her own physical challenges, gave me two books by Cooper Edens; If You’re Afraid of the Dark, Remember the Night Rainbow and If You’re Afraid of the Dark, Add One More Star to the Night (the emphasis is mine). These books pose whimsical problems of life and fanciful solutions which are also illustrated by the author.

Written inside one of the books is Kelly’s encouragement for me to remember a solution presented in one of the books, If you can’t find your marbles … enlarge the game. Well, at some point during the Twelve Days of Cycle Six I forgot that I even had any marbles. That’s how life is sometimes … I think I've got a handle on it and I stop being so cautious - then I get my feet knocked out from under me. To make matters worse, this time I forgot how to get up after being knocked down or to even ask for help in getting up.

Shortly after receiving Kelly's gift I purchased a bag of marbles and placed them in a jar with a few marbles that I already had. In addition, I shared some of my marbles with Kelly – just in case I lost mine and needed to borrow some from her. Of course I hope you know that marbles are simply a representation - a reminder of what I have learned and added to my life’s defensive game plan.

The apostle Paul wrote of this struggle, “For that which I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.” There is a lot of comfort in chapters 7 and 8 in the book of Romans – I think I will add frequent reading of these chapters as one of my marbles.

This week I moved my jar of marbles to a more prominent place. And, I certainly have added a new request to God that he help me to remember during the tough times.

I may create a large sign to hang as a further reminder; if I do it will read, "Jan, Do You Know Where Your Marbles Are?”