Waiting

This week I had a CAT Scan and a Bone Scan; the final tests to determine the stage of my cancer. These tests will reveal if the cancer has spread to other areas of my body.

I have purposefully not asked about my prognosis. I know that my cancer is aggressive; HER-2 is involved and the pathology report indicated a grade 3 cancer cell (looks least like a normal cell). I have not asked about my prognosis because I want to remain positive and quite honestly at the time I met with my oncologist I did not want to hear more "bad news".

It takes me a couple of days to as my dad says, "get my head around the bad news" and then I've been able to get back to my peaceful spot.

I won't know the results until sometime next week (5/4 update: I may not find out until May 8th - my oncologist is on vacation). Waiting is hard and it is difficult to remain entirely in my peaceful spot. It is hard on my family too. Hearing the results of these tests cannot help but give us an indication of my prognosis.

And so, I find that this week I am once again more easily moved to tears. My friend Charley called this morning. He was the first person I spoke with today and therefore the one with whom I had my "morning tears". Thank you Charley for sharing this time with me. "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24

I am reminded today of a verse that I found last week on the day I was given the results of my HER-2 test, Psalms 109:21-22 "Out of the goodness of your love, O Lord, deliver me. For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me."

Ok, it's all out now and I feel better. A good cry can be very cleansing. And as they say, the first step to overcoming your fear is to admit it (at least I think that is what "they" say - sounds good regardless).

Thank you for sharing this with me. I want you to leave with good rather than depressing thoughts so here goes, "A joyful heart is good medicine (literally - causes good healing), but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22

So for the rest of the day I will remember my blessings and therefore have a joyful heart. And well, when I think of everyone who is praying for me; has sent cards and/or flowers; brought food; and e-mailed and/or phoned me - well that will take up most of the day so I cannot possibly be anything else but joyful for the rest of today! May your day be filled with as many blessings as mine is.