Round Two: #5 and #6 Catching-up

Considering that it has been a few weeks since I have written a post, I think the best way to start this post is with an apology for causing anyone to worry about me. Physically I have been okay but emotionally I needed to take a break from being a person with cancer or at least as much of a break as one can take while in the midst of treatment.

Over the past few weeks I've been acknowledging and processing several feelings and yes, sometimes I did want cheese with my whine. The specific issues are not necessarily important to write about; I've dealt with or at least have a good start on dealing with several issues that I needed to acknowledge and I am now feeling less burdened.

The update on my physical health is that treatment number five was no worse than any other treatment I've had, treatment number six so far has been one of the best. The sixth treatment was eight days ago and for the first time during Round Two the white blood cells have yet to fall low enough to require Lukine injections. In fact, had I not experienced very real side effects for a few days following the treatment I would be thinking that the three clear colored drugs I received were not drugs after all.

I have been told that I will be receiving a seventh and eighth treatment. Since every single tumor marker test has yet to reach zero I agree with this decision but I would be attempting to fool you if I did not admit that I do feel some disappointment. The decision has however been softened by having far less fatigue this week.

With less fatigue this week I have been able to realize that the weakness I have been experiencing in my legs and more recently my arms is very much less and therefore almost certain to not be the result of neuropathy. The numbness and coldness of my toes and fingers certainly are due to neuropathy but thankfully it appears that it has not progressed further.

The results of treatment number five are that circulating tumor markers are still at zero; the next lowest one dropped a few tenths; and the other actually increased a few tenths. I did not notice the results during the check up earlier this week so I could not ask questions about the increase but I will be sure to during the check up this coming Monday. I am mindful that the highest tumor marker is still well within the range of normal so I am not panicking. I am hopeful that this is considered "normal" rather than it being an indication that the cancer cells have found a way to work around the drugs. It is possible that only time will provide a satisfactory answer; if the tumor marker begins to drop again then obviously there is nothing to worry about.

On the 28Th I am scheduled to have a CT scan and an Echo test to check on the shrinkage of the tumors (thinking positive) and to make sure that the trial drug and Herceptin are not damaging my heart (again thinking positive). The seventh treatment will be on October 1st, I will see Dr. Patel on the same day for a check up and the test results.

I have just started reading the book Renewal written by Dr. Claude V. DeShazo (Pacific Institute Publishing, 2009). Dr. DeShazo is a surgeon who began a cancer support group almost thirty years ago; the people in the group began to call their path of taking control their Renewal. In the words of the author, "Renewal is about self-awareness, commitment, accountability, and collaboration." As I progress through the book I will share some of what I learn.

It struck me when I first read how the author described what renewal is that it is very much the same journey that I read about in the Bible. I need to have self-awareness of where I am in relation to where God wants me to be; it requires commitment to follow the road map God has determined; no matter how I decide to live my life, I am and will be accountable to God and; God is fully aware that I will face many potholes and I will at times take dangerous detours from his road map but he will collaborate with me to provide all the roadside assistance I need to successfully complete the journey.

And so at the close of this post I will bring it back around to what I have experienced the past few weeks. I cut my speed and slowed down long enough to become more fully aware of my surroundings and then based upon this awareness to actually do something about it. For a short distance I did take the cheese and whine detour - more than once. Sometimes the scenery of our life is just not as pretty as we think it should be and it has far too many potholes for our comfort - God is just waiting for us to ask for his roadside assistance.